Every Day

 

Sticker on the Calendar

I set a goal for myself for June: to work out, in some form, every day of the month.  I don't care if it's skipping around the dining room table, doing backflips down the driveway, or marching in place in the living room with my husband looking at me like I'm nuts, as long as movement is involved.

As soon as I set that goal, life chuckled and said, "Heck, no."  It seems like every day, something has come up to make fitting in any kind of workout nearly impossible.

Yesterday, I planned to change clothes and work out as soon as I got home from work, since I had a long to-do list for the evening.  But then my husband told me that my stepdaughter was coming by, and we were taking her out for her birthday dinner.  Okay, so I shifted gears.  I checked my list and got busy cleaning while we were waiting for her to arrive, so all of that was done and crossed off the list.  And hey, sweeping, mopping, and vacuuming sure feel like a workout.

We had fun at dinner, catching up, telling stories, and laughing over old memories.  Before I knew it, it was well after 9 PM, and I still hadn't worked out.

It's too late now to work now, I told myself when we got home.

But seriously?  Flaking out on my goal only three days in?

So I changed clothes and did a very short workout, only one mile of indoor walking (thank you, Leslie Sansone), but I did it.  That is the important part to me.  It wasn't the workout I had planned, but I had a nice evening, spent time with my husband and my stepdaughter, and I still put that sticker on the calendar for the day's workout.  I still made it a priority, told myself that doing something for me was important, and I got it done.

I told my husband I was only going to put a little sticker on the calendar for the day since it was a short workout.  He said no, use a big sticker, because everything was stacked against me, and I still did it. I like the way that man thinks!

Reframing

Hello!  Wow, it's been a while since I blogged here on Blogger.  I have thought about moving back for a while, but Wordpress won't import into Blogger for some reason, and I didn't want to lose all of my old posts.  Finally I decided, so what?  I want to move my blog, for many reasons, so let's just do it.

I kicked around themes and titles for my new blog, and I have a notepad sheet, scribbled with my brainstorming.  But the concept that appealed to me the most, the theme that seemed the most fitting, was: blooming.

It's perfect, really.  I have always loved plants, and as soon as I had a yard, I started planting flowers.  Now I have a garden outside and orchids flowering inside, and I adore them all.  They make me happy.

Flowers don't bloom when they are not nurtured, cared for, loved.  Guess what?  People don't either.  I am learning to reframe this journey (yeah, okay, I hate that word, but it fits here).  I am not whipping myself into shape, pushing, shoving, barking at myself like a drill sergeant.  I've tried that in the past, and it doesn't work for me.  It might temporarily, but it doesn't last.  Not for me.  

If I come across a struggling flower in my garden, I don't get angry with the flower.  I don't call it names, put it down, treat it even more harshly and then expect positive changes.  No.  I look at it closely, try to figure out what it needs, make adjustments, give it extra care until it flourishes again.

Why did it take so long for me to realize that I need the same compassion and care from myself?  

It's been nearly four years since my mother died.  The weight I gained after her death is still here.  I blamed it on the shock and depression of her dying, but come on...nearly four years later, that excuse is just getting old and worn out.  Clearly something else is going on.  I think I have berated myself, insulted myself, and beat myself down so much for the weight gain that I came to believe that I can't lose it, or I don't deserve the effort and time it takes to lose it.  

So that's why I am here, on this blog.  I know some things have to change.  One of those is my mindset and the way I talk to and treat myself.  This process isn't a punishment.  It's an act of love.  And I am going to try very hard to view it that way.

Writing has always been a way for me to work through my feelings, get the mess out of my head, and find my way to a better place.  So this blog is like a gift to myself, but I hope that others will join me along the way.  Let's see where this goes!

About Me

 I am not new to blogging.  I have been writing on one blog or another for over 20 years.  It's cathartic. It's therapy in typing form.  

So who am I?  I am a wife, sister, daughter, stepmother, now a grandmother to two energetic and beautiful boys.  I love gardening, reading, being creative.  I have never met an animal I didn't like, and I spoil every cat, dog, raccoon, squirrel, bird, or other creature that crosses my path.  I adore the smell of coffee, lilacs, and black cherry.  I can't stand dishonesty, fakeness, public speaking, or crowds.  Give me a quiet evening at home with my husband, kids, or grandbabies, and I am a happy woman.  

When I take a good look at my life, I realize it's pretty damn awesome.  My husband is my best friend, and we love our home and our garden.  All four of my stepkids are grown, but we see them often, and I love watching my husband play with and dote on the grandbabies.  

The only piece of my life that hasn't fallen into place is my weight and my health.  Like everyone, I am only getting older, in my 50s now, and I don't want to end up barely able to move later because I refuse to take care of myself now.  I have started over so many times, have made countless promises to myself, have vowed over and over to get serious this time...but I have always done it with a harsh, balls-to-the-wall, drill sergeant mentality that ultimately crumples and simply doesn't appeal to me long-term.  

Life is too short for regrets and should-haves.  I am getting up one more time, but it needs to be different this time.  I need to be different this time.  

I decided to start this blog specifically for this new path of my life.  I am no saint, and I am sure I will wander off the road and end up tangled in the weeds here and there, but I want to learn to forgive those stumbles without the self-punishment  that ends up simply being self-defeating.   I want to focus on celebrating who I am now, at the same time that I move toward a healthier, fitter, and slimmer me.

There's so much more to this adventure than the scale, and I intend to conquer it all.  As they say, "The best time to start was yesterday.  The next best time is now."  So...let's get started.