Reframing

Hello!  Wow, it's been a while since I blogged here on Blogger.  I have thought about moving back for a while, but Wordpress won't import into Blogger for some reason, and I didn't want to lose all of my old posts.  Finally I decided, so what?  I want to move my blog, for many reasons, so let's just do it.

I kicked around themes and titles for my new blog, and I have a notepad sheet, scribbled with my brainstorming.  But the concept that appealed to me the most, the theme that seemed the most fitting, was: blooming.

It's perfect, really.  I have always loved plants, and as soon as I had a yard, I started planting flowers.  Now I have a garden outside and orchids flowering inside, and I adore them all.  They make me happy.

Flowers don't bloom when they are not nurtured, cared for, loved.  Guess what?  People don't either.  I am learning to reframe this journey (yeah, okay, I hate that word, but it fits here).  I am not whipping myself into shape, pushing, shoving, barking at myself like a drill sergeant.  I've tried that in the past, and it doesn't work for me.  It might temporarily, but it doesn't last.  Not for me.  

If I come across a struggling flower in my garden, I don't get angry with the flower.  I don't call it names, put it down, treat it even more harshly and then expect positive changes.  No.  I look at it closely, try to figure out what it needs, make adjustments, give it extra care until it flourishes again.

Why did it take so long for me to realize that I need the same compassion and care from myself?  

It's been nearly four years since my mother died.  The weight I gained after her death is still here.  I blamed it on the shock and depression of her dying, but come on...nearly four years later, that excuse is just getting old and worn out.  Clearly something else is going on.  I think I have berated myself, insulted myself, and beat myself down so much for the weight gain that I came to believe that I can't lose it, or I don't deserve the effort and time it takes to lose it.  

So that's why I am here, on this blog.  I know some things have to change.  One of those is my mindset and the way I talk to and treat myself.  This process isn't a punishment.  It's an act of love.  And I am going to try very hard to view it that way.

Writing has always been a way for me to work through my feelings, get the mess out of my head, and find my way to a better place.  So this blog is like a gift to myself, but I hope that others will join me along the way.  Let's see where this goes!